3 Questions to Keep you from Sexual Sin

When we are tempted by our enemy Satan there is an internal conversation going on like the conversation between Eve and the Serpent in the Garden of Eden. If we are unaware or unequipped for that conversation then we are easily overcome. We end up making the same errors in judgement and we do so quickly pulled along by “the passions of our lust” as Paul told the Thessalonian church (1 Thess. 4:5). 

When Paul wrote to the Thessalonian church to encourage them, he included a very strong reminder about “abstaining from sexual immorality”. In this passage of exhortation there are also some very powerful tools provided to the believers. These tools, if we’ll use them, will act like breaks slowing down the process of temptation and giving us time to think deeply about the foolishness which is sexual immorality. 

The next time you are tempted to…

-look twice at a scantily dressed woman.

-pull up a web page or youtube video with sexual content.

-enjoy the presence of and conversation with someone you are sexually attracted to.

-Offend the Holy Spirit and your conscience in any way…

Try asking these three diagnostic questions about your next action…

#1. Is this action thoughtful and purposeful or impulsive and ignoring of the possible consequences? 

Sexual immorality is by nature impulsive, motivated from some desire deep inside the body other than the mind. It is a kin to the feeling I get when I pass by a pecan pie and feel an unexplainable pull. Sexual immorality also comes with consequences that aren’t immediately apparent. Sometimes the consequences aren’t evident for years or even decades.
Paul explains that the believer has an advantage over the pagan because he KNOWS: 

For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; (1 Thessalonians 4:2-5)

The believer knows God. He knows his commandments and he knows his will. The Christian thinks deeply about how he uses his body like an Olympian would. He knows that God has a purpose for it and he’s been in those meetings where he’s heard clearly and directly about what God intends for it. The believer should know how to control himself because he knows God. He knows that God has made a claim on his body and its every use.  
By contrast the pagan Gentile is led foolishly into great destruction not knowing God and his boundaries. He is carried along by the passion of his lust. He is not in control of himself.

When we sin sexually by following our lusts we are not thinking well. We are typically not thinking at all. We just listen to that inner voice that says, “I want it. It will feel good. I need it. Do it.” The consequences are massive and irreversible. The Christian thinks deeply. He argues back with that voice, saying, “No. The body is not meant for that. I know the consequences. I will not.” 

#2. Is this action with my body in submission to God, the owner of my body? 

What happens when someone uses any item for a purpose outside the will of its owner? It is a deep offense. Whether you take a new vehicle off-roading, host a frat party in an immaculate home, or use a luxury watch as a hammer, the foolishness of the offense is compounded when that thing is not yours to begin with. The action goes from being damaging of a valuable thing to being damaging of a relationship.

The marriage bed is “undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4) because in that place there is perfect alignment between my pleasure and God’s will. God meant the body for this and even commands it (1 Cor. 7:3-5, Proverbs 5:8-9). So, fulfilling sexual desires in that context is in perfect submission to God and can be done with a clean conscience. It is sexual but it is not immorality.

Sexual immorality, however, is to not control the body in holiness and honor (vs. 4) but to be carried away out from under the will of God. There is pleasure but it is accompanied by a deep scaring of the conscience and an offense to the owner of the body, God. Next time you are drawn by your sexual desires, ask the question: Can I do this with my body according to God’s will?

#3. Is this action shameful or harmful to another? 

Possibly the most common modern idea about sex is that it is a matter of personal freedom. It is no one else’s business what one person does to fulfill their own sexual desires as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, right? At the point your sexual behavior causes real harm to someone (rape, with an underage child, etc) then its wrong…or so the logic goes.  

But Paul disagrees. He concludes his warning about sexual immorality with these words: 

“that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.” (1 Thessalonians 4:6-7)

  Paul informs the believers that no sin of impurity is just personal or private but sexual immorality always “wrongs a brother”. It is in the same category of sin in which Cain murdered Abel.

Sexual immorality with another person surely is a sin against that person even if they are a willing participant. For example, porn is a sin against those held captive by the industry as well as all those you love and in your covenant community to whom you belong as a member of the body of Christ. Even the most private of sins, pleasuring yourself, is an offense against your spouse who God meant to please and delight you. Sexual immorality is all hidden but is building up a store of shame and hurt just waiting to burst out of its containing walls and destroy others whom you love.

Next time you are tempted, ask this question: Am I loving another with this action of my body or would this harm a brother or sister?  It has to be one or the other. There is no neutral.

Hopefully these three questions can be helpful. If you use them once and then again, they can become an automatic grid that you think through temptations of the flesh. They can save you from the small steps downward that will lead you to massive harm in the future. 

Let me know if these were helpful to you as you grow in holiness.